Lack of sleep, changing diapers, and a Counting Crows song

Just over three weeks ago we welcomed our first child into the world. I was sitting at work on a Thursday night when Melissa sent me an instant message saying her water had broken. I was numb. The reality of what was going to happen in the next 24 hours wasn't setting in on me. Somewhere in my head I was still thinking this was not supposed to happen for another week. I left work and rushed home still not quite sure what was going to happen next.

We arrived at the hospital and even though Melissa and I were pretty sure that we were going to be holding our son in the coming hours, a part of me still thought we would be sent home and have to wait for another week.

Well the medical staff assured us he was coming. I didn't quite know what to think. Yes I was excited, but not long from then a new person who nobody has ever met would enter the world. At that moment no one could tell me what he looked like. They couldn't tell me if he had 10 fingers and 10 toes, or if he would know who I was when he saw me. It was a surreal feeling.

After hours of Mom doing all she could to help our boy come into the world it was decided that an emergency C-Section would be performed. I was scared. I was fairly confident that in the end mom and son would be safe, but surgery on people I love always makes me uncomfortable.

We were rolled into an operating room and Melissa was prepped for surgery. She was so brave. She had worked her body to the limits for the last 18 hours and now was needing a little extra help to get our son into the world. I am so proud of her and all that she did for the last nine months to keep our baby healthy and strong. She also worked unbelievably hard to keep her body healthy through the process. Again, I'm so proud of her and look up to her in so many ways.

Once the doctors had declared to us that we had a living baby boy, I kept waiting to hear him cry. I don't know what the appropriate thing to wait for would be, I just figured he should cry. I kept saying in my head, I need to hear him cry. Finally we heard a little squeal and our world has never been the same since then.

I didn't get the chance to immediately hold our baby. I walked over and saw the doctors cleaning him up and finding out his stats, but they never said I could take him and hold him. Soon after he was taken to the NICU for observations and I wanted to make sure Melissa was doing well. I also made a trip home to gather a few odds and ends that we wanted to have at the hospital for the duration of our stay there. It wasn't until 11 o'clock that night that I finally walked down to the NICU and asked if I could hold our baby.

I don't know why I didn't get to hold him sooner. No one told me I couldn't, but I just assumed under the circumstances that someone would give me a green light on when I could. When I finally got the chance it was an amazing moment. I'm sure every parent can remember that moment. Melissa was two floors up trying to rest and recover and I was all alone with him sitting in a dark hospital room. The nurse left me alone with him knowing that this was the first time we had been together.

I felt like I needed to introduce myself. I whispered a quiet "Hi" to him and said, "I'm Dad." Of course I don't think he really gave a reaction to me other than just cuddling himself into my arms and assuring me that he was at least comfortable with me holding him. All I could do for the next 10 minutes was stare at him and let it set in, that a new person had entered the world, and that I played a part in that process.

A few days later we were released from the hospital. The stay in the hospital wasn't exactly a Hawaiian vacation. The day we were released, Melissa and I were emotionally spent. We had some issues with our insurance company that were proving to be annoying and a doctor had made a mistake on a prescription for Melissa. I needed to be home home helping Melissa heal and helping our boy learn his surroundings in his new home. Instead I was having to deal with frustrating situations.

Finally I called in for backup. I'm grateful for my mom. She freed up some of the day for me so I could help Melissa and watched Melissa while I ran to the store to once again try to get Melissa's prescriptions.

When Melissa and I were dating Melissa had a Counting Crows song as her ringtone for me when I called her. It was called "Accidentally in Love". I guess you could say Melissa never thought she'd fall for me, but someway somehow we fell in love. That song came on the radio as I was driving home. This time it meant something different to me.

It reminded me of holding our boy that first night in the NICU. I had no idea that I could love someone so much. Before that night, I knew I would love our child, but I didn't know what it would feel like. I like kids, but I usually only like them in small chunks, 24/7 seemed very overwhelming to me. As our held him on that first night of his life though, I knew this was different. I knew I had a love for him that I never knew was possible. It was in a sense, an accidental love. It just happened and I immediately had a care and hope for him and his future.

We're doing good now. We still have plenty of adventures that we are getting through together. Last night alone was a sleep challenged night, but we're doing good. I'm still trying to get the diaper thing down, but its going okay. Melissa is amazing. I love watching her and him interact. I see the future of our family and everything looks so bright now. I'm excited to see it all unfold.